i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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