took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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