I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
