i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize