I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
