I will die if light touches me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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