if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
