the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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