sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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