Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
