So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
