that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we're so committed to being not committed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
