All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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