Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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