So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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