he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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