I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
