were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
