if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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