I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
