Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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