who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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