He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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