in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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