he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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