Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
