K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
