what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
