Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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