The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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