you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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