"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
