i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
