At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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