dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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