You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
