oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
