i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
