dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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