my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
