Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
