i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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