so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
