Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
