I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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