At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
