What a fucking waste of an outfit
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
