we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
