i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
