we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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