Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
