the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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