I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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