maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
