I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
