Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
