I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
