he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
