how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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