as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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