Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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