he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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