He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
