Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
