our cab driver is having phone sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Congratulations! We have a period
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
