sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
