R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
