how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
