So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
