I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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