I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
